You don't know why it even worked out this long, you've been on the point of breaking up for months now but you could never quite let her go.. you always had to try.. but it was clear that neither of your hearts were even in it anymore.. in a particularly nasty argument she told you that she'd slept with another man and had been seeing him for the last year or so.. you couldn't believe you'd put up with it for this long.. but it still hurt, being betrayed like that by someone you used to trust.
You went back to get your stuff.. back to the house you two used to live in together.. now which held only darkness and betrayal; heavy air.. from the outside you could see the light was on.. was she home?
You walked inside and what you saw only made your broken heart shatter into more pieces till it was nothing but dust, that was it, you left and never looked back, there was one person who might of been able to help you but you couldn't face anyone right now.. you needed to be alone.. Thats how you ended up here... in a dark dank alleyway behind a bunch of long abandoned houses, you didn't care about the rain on your back or the cold tarmac beneath your feet.. nothing mattered as you cried into the pouring rain.. eventually the storm subsided but your sobs didn't.
When the noise died down you could only think of one thing 'nobody loves me.. how can I ever give someone my heart again if they'll only break it somewhere down the line? It's best not to fall in love at all..' but you knew you still felt something.. maybe that was why things had gotten so bad between you and Terezi but you denied any feelings of the sort towards this person.
Your thoughts didn't help and you kept crying.
As soon as you knew that karkat had runaway you quickly got out onto the streets to start looking for him, each alley from his apartment you checked, each place that he likes to go; all those places where he likes to go and do some thinking.
you know him very well but this is the first time he's done something like this, you kept running through the rain and the people with their umbrellas, all of them looking at you like if you were crazy or something, but you didn't care, you could only think about finding karkat so that he won't do something stupid. He always talks to you when he has problems, even if most of them are about his bitchy girlfriend, you listen calmly and try to help because you wanted to see him happy, even if its not because of you...
you've loved him for a long time, to you his happiness was more important than your own feelings for him, now its important to just find him.
karkat hugged his baggy short covered knees; shivering in the cold, tears still streamed down his face and they wouldn't stop, it was pointless trying even if he wanted to but he didn't, his life was over.. nothing mattered, as far as he was concerned he had nothing.. but he was forgetting something.. a friend who was very important to him.. a friend who always listened, karkat never said anything but.. he'd always hated bothering sollux with his issues, it always made him feel like crap.. he didn't deserve that he was a good friend and an even better person, he shouldn't have to deal with a friend who was this worthless.. "I'm sorry.."
sollux was still running when the rain stopped, he desperately wanted to find karkat as soon as possible "Come on.. where are you?" he looked everywhere, every place he could think of but then suddenly without noticing it he found himself in an old neighborhood "Please be here." he whispered hoping to himself that he'd find him.
karkat gripped his knees tighter head buried in his lap, from the front of the alley way his hiding place was almost invisible, huddled between two old buildings "I wish I'd never even met her.. it was such a mistake" he kept whispering bitter words to himself, clinging to his damp clothes.
still checking all the houses and buildings he was getting tired but he wasn't going to stop now, something was calling him, he knew that karkat had to be close "Please karkat, where are you..." then he saw a tiny space, it looked almost like suburban a cave or something like that, it was dark and wet "Karkat..." he said waiting for an answer.
At first he wasn't sure if he'd heard the voice or if he'd just imagined it, he was sure no-one would come to look for him.. why would they? But maybe.. sollux would..? his teary eyes left the ground and he raised his head very slowly upwards.. "Sollux..?"
He heard a tiny voice that he could never forget "Karkat? answer its me."
That time he definitely heard him he wasn't imagining it "I'm here.." he replied softly but a bit louder this time his voice cracking on sobs.
He rushed into the place where karkat was, and there he is, sitting on the ground, wet, shivering from the cold and his eyes red. He leaned down and knelt in front of him "god kk..." he touched his cheek and he was terribly cold even compared to sollux, he wrapped his arms around karkatīs body trying to warm him up "You're really cold..."
"W-what are you doing here?" he asked eye's puffy and empty of all light, the warmth felt nice on his freezing cold skin, he shivered almost uncontrollably not just for the cold but also because he just needed the physical contact.
"What kind of question is that... I came to find you..." he felt karkat shiver but he didn't care he kept his position hugging him "I was worried about you..."
Karkat needed this more than anything right now, even through his sadness he was relieved that sollux was here.. it reminded him that he wasn't entirely alone. "Sollux.. she.."
After he heard that 'she', his heart began to ache but he had to listen karkat... for his sake. "You don't need it..." that came out of his mouth by accident.
He let his head hang as he felt his chest ache painfully "She.. cheated on me.. and when I came back to get my stuff.. she was kissing him.. right in front of me.. and when I came in.. she just smirked at me.. like my feelings were some sort of sick game to her." for a moment he was angry but he just couldn't hold it, the trust she'd broken hurt more than anything else "I trusted her.."
Sollux had never liked her, she'd always been a bitch but even knowing that he still supported karkat... "She couldn't be more of a bitch, kk...to be honest I never liked her, I always thought she was like that. Your feelings are important because of you, not for someone else..." He lied through his feelings, happiness, sadness, it all concerned to only one person who he cared for the most.
"Even so it still hurts.. I really did love her sollux.. I.. did.." he said the words as if to convince himself that they were true.
'why does it have to be so hard... I wish you could see me as well', he thought to himself trying to push the sadness away.
"but did she ever love you?
did she ever care about you?
did she ever wonder how you were?
did she ever make you laugh just to see your smile?
did she ever stay with you whenever you felt upset?
"She..we.. were happy once.." his voice came out slightly muffled, eyes becoming distant as if remembering an old memory so that he couldn't take in sollux's words.
"You've been with her for more than a year and there was only one time when I heard you two were happy and that was a long time ago."
Karkat would argue but he didn't even want to think about it.. it was too painful and too much right now when the wound she ripped in him was still only just healing. "Maybe.. I don't know anymore.."
Sollux stayed silent trying to push that sadness away again "I don't know how someone could do something like that karkat... I know that I'll never do that... never" he hugged karkat closer to him.
After a few minutes of pain-felt silence he felt sollux's grip tighten he didn't know why but it was oddly comforting he hesitated before unwrapping his arms from his legs and holding onto sollux tightly, just needing to latch onto something solid "I-I'm sorry.."
"Why?" why would he apologize? and it was obvious that he wasn't getting the idea... not even a hint.
"You always have to deal with my shit.. I hate offloading it onto you.." his voice hitched as he tried to speak, new tears pouring down his cheeks without check, simply unable to stop them "Its pathetic.. worthless.. I should be able to get by on my own but I can't.." he didn't know why he kept talking he didn't want to talk about anything, yet once he started to open up he just couldn't seem to stop.
"Stop crying kk... please." he rubbed his cheek to clean his tears away, "You are not pathetic, you are not worthless and you can do it by yourself." 'you would never feel such a thing from me... you'll never be left behind.'
Karkat still couldn't look up, a heavy weight settled into his chest and refused to relinquish its grip, why was he saying all of this? surely his life would be so much easier if he had never even existed. "I wish I could disappear and stop causing trouble to everyone around me.."
"Stop saying that!" he was getting too upset now seeing karkat suffering "It would cause a big problem if you weren't here..." 'my whole world would even exist, I wouldn't have a reason to be here'.
Karkat flinched when he heard sollux shout, he hadn't meant to make sollux upset that was the last thing he wanted to do "Why, give me one good reason why?!" he didn't recognize his own voice as he was suddenly yelling at sollux, he didn't want to yell at him.. he was just trying to help 'what's wrong with me?'
He kept kneeling in front of him but stop hugging karkat to look into his eyes, it was time for him to know "Only one reason..? I could give you a whole book, there is nothing wrong with you...at least to me.. is that not good enough?" he put his hands on his shoulders to force him to look at him firmly "I..have something to tell you and I'd like you to hear me."
"I-I.. don't understand.." he finally looked up at that and saw sollux for the first time, "..Tell me what?" he looked scared and confused looking to sollux for an answer.
He began to shiver, his hands were shaking a bit on karkat's shoulders, he took a deep breath and finally spoke up; "For a long time I've been there for you always, no matter what I always put you first, whenever you were upset or angry, whenever you needed to talk and even when you had problems with that sorry excuse of a human being you called a girlfriend, I always tried to make you be happy or at least help you to release your anger, I did all of that because..." here was the hard part and he couldn't stop shaking, he knew he was going to get hurt but it worth to try or at least for karkat to know it.
"Sollux?" Karkat began to feel a long forgotten emotion inside him; a warmth that curled around the corners of the ashes from his broken heart; trying to warm them, karkat had pushed them away for so long but he no longer had the energy and why bother anyway..? sollux's words left him frozen but they were all true, somewhere inside he knew it'd always been true.
"Im love with you karkat...I always have been and I think that I always will be."
An electric shock went through karkat's body as sollux finished but yet he found he was more stunned than shocked, it was unavoidable, sollux had always been there when it really counted, him and nobody else.. it wasn't that karkat hadn't seen it.. more like.. he chose not to.. he tried to hide the fact that he knew by trying to find love elsewhere, he believed for a while that it was real but now that it was gone.. he knew it'd always been a lie and there was nothing left to hold him back.. there were no reasons to suffer anymore and yet... he still hesitated. He'd just had his heart broken.. but he trusted sollux.. so.. "I-I.." he couldn't say it the words choked on themselves as he shook with the effort.
Sollux was already afraid of losing karkat as a friend, had he lost an opportunity to be with him as well? he didn't know yet.
When he finally managed to answer it was almost inaudible, his face was blushing crimson and his eyes screwed tight; head resting on his knees. He was sure that sollux hadn't heard but he said but he hid anyway, it was hard to say something like that after just having his heart broken.
He heard soft words coming out of karkat's mouth but he couldn't hear them clearly... so he thought that maybe he was being rejected, he stopped holding his shoulders and looked at the ground trying not to cry.
Finally be gathered himself together and said "I-I.. love you too.. I think.. I always have.." his head moved as he spoke far more clearly this time but still into his lap; slowly looking up but now he wasn't crying anymore.
He gazed back at karkat, his eyes wide and a soft blush appeared on his cheeks, he couldn't believe what he just said "You...do?"
He nodded looking at sollux carefully he was still kind of scared about giving his heart to another so soon. "You're the only person.. who I'd never lie to."
"I am?" he was very astonished, he never thought that karkat could feel the same but... "But...if you feel the same then why... why did you look for someone else?"
"I didn't want to lose you as a friend.. I really did believe that I loved her but.. it was all just a lie to cover up the fact that I loved you.. I didn't have any idea that you loved me back, though.." he looked down and sighed sadly "I-I just.. felt it would be wrong.. I felt like you deserved better."
"Kk...you are what I want, you are the one that I love, you are the best for me even if you say that you're not."
"But it still hurt when she left whether it was fake or not I trusted her as I trust you." his eyes clouded over again with the mention of her name.
"Was she more important than me?"
He shook his head without hesitation; feeling numb "You don't understand sollux.. things were.. complicated for a long time," he paused with a short regretful sigh. "I don't even know why I stayed with her so long.. I didn't even really want to be with her."
"But..." he really didn't have an answer for that, he just wanted to have a chance with karkat, he never had it before but now there was a tiny glimmer of hope.
"I don't know what to do.. how can I trust that at some point I won't just have my heart broken again?" he was really stuck on that one point no matter how much he tried that weight wouldn't lift, he couldn't set himself free from the net he'd become caught in.
"Karkat, I've never hurt you or made you upset and I never will, just...at least..give me a chance..."
"Ok.. I do trust you.." 'I hope I'm not making a mistake', he thought quietly as he let himself go, he wanted to give sollux a chance because something inside him told him that he wouldn't regret it.
"I trust you too...and I promise that I'll never make you upset." he had enough confidence to hug karkat again, he slowly got closer to him and covered him in his embrace.
Sollux was warm and dry the exact opposite of how karkat was right now, his hug was comforting and something about him smelled like home it made him realize how stupid he'd been to leave and how he should've just given in sooner. Karkat buried his head in sollux's shoulder wrapping trembling arms around his back, his heart beating quickly with mixed emotions, fear, sadness, warmth.. love all of these and more.
He stroked his back attempting to warm him up more, he nuzzled his head with karkat's "Karkat?"
Karkat didn't move, he couldn't he just had to keep holding onto sollux or he felt it'd all shatter before him, he loved sollux and the thought of letting go now.. was impossible. He felt like he might cry again, sharp spikes of pain welling in his chest but he didn't let them out, instead he held them inside and steadied his breathing with one deep breath. "I love you."
"I love you the most and I always will." he gazed at karkat, he wanted to kiss him, kiss those lips that he's been dreaming to touch with his"
Those words were all it took for karkat to start crying again.
"Please, don't cry."
"I'm crying because.. I'm happy" he wasn't lying he was happy.
Sollux gave karkat a soft kiss on his forehead and wiped the tears away with his thumbs while he held his face in his hands, he kissed both of his cheeks and looked at karkat; straight into his eyes.
Karkat kissed back softly, cheeks flaring their crimson colours, very slowly opening his puffy tear-stained eyes to look at sollux's mismatched pair, he knew those eyes so well that he often just liked to watch them.
Sollux felt the little kiss on his cheek, and moved forward for a real kiss, first he caressed his wet hair off of his forehead then he came closer until their lips met.
Karkat's insides turned to jelly as their lips met, just grazing at first but then softly touching, kissing and exploring, he felt sollux's hand caressing his hair and brushing it away; closing his eyes against the feeling.
He felt karkat kissing back, it was even better than he thought it would be, his lips were so soft and warm over his, he let himself melt into him.
Karkat had sometimes imagined what it would be like to kiss sollux, it was everything he expected and more, his once numb body now felt warm like lava, whilst he fumbled to move his arms so that they wrapped around his neck wanting to be closer to his warmth; he craved it.
When he felt karkat moving closer, he wrapped his arms around his waist pulling him into his body, he wanted to feel his heart beating with his, to feel his warmth during their kiss.
Karkat's body was pressed comfortably up against sollux's even though they were in the middle of an abandoned alleyway it didn't feel cold at all, the rest of the world ceased to exist as he kept kissing sollux, each kiss was full of withheld emotion, so pure and so strong he found himself feeling weak like he couldn't keep his balance.
Sollux couldn't be happier, he was kissing the love of his life, he felt how his body began to melt into karkatīs, this kiss was the one he needed to know that they were meant to be. When they stopped kissing, he kept hugging him for a bit longer; smiling at him "I love you."
He had no regrets, none at all. For a kiss like that, for words like that, for a feeling like this, all the pain and suffering had been worth it, for the first time since sollux found him he smiled; a real genuinely happy smile. "I love you too."
Sollux pulled karkat up with him "Lets get out of here." then he took his hand and walked out of the abandoned alley.
Karkat let himself be led away not ever looking back to the dark grey place that had held his sorrow's, as they walked away from the alley he looked up at the sky to see that it was bright blue with the sun shining down on them merrily, at least one good thing had come of this.
When they got away from that old neighborhood, the sunlight illuminated the sky almost like the beginning of something new.
Karkat no longer felt any pain because his love was right here beside him and from now on everything was going to be okay.